After the haircutting stunt, I was watched like a hawk, for a little while anyway.
I was on almost every restriction they could put me on and this still didn’t cause me any real frustration. As long as I was going to school and getting that stuff done I didn’t care about anything else.
Being around these girls that were so much younger and so unwilling to take the blame for anything that had landed them where they were was starting to get to me though. I couldn’t stand all the whining about how they shouldn’t be here and that it was all mom/dad’s fault that they were where they were.
My aggressive attitude started to come out in waves at not only the girls but the staff as well. I rarely had anything nice to say to anyone and was looking to start a fight every chance I could. I wanted to keep the fights to verbal things because this was my last chance to do right before heading off to jail. These girls were significantly younger and if I hit them I was looking at real jail time.
It didn’t take too long for me to push one girl’s buttons just a little too hard and that verbal attack quickly turned violent. The only thing saving my ass from being taken out in handcuffs was that she started the physical part of the fight and I just defended myself, that’s how the staff saw it anyway.
I can’t lie the fight relived so much of the anger I had in me. I was much calmer for a while afterward too. I had found myself back to being content with being in my room alone as much as I could.
Although the adults around me thought this to be an unhealthy way to cope with life so the head of our cottage had put restrictions on how often and how long I could hide away alone each day. She also decided it was time to push me into counseling. I needed someone to talk to she told me someone that was outside of my daily living.
The problem was I didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything. I knew I had issues and there were probably better ways to cope with things but I didn’t care I had zero issue with the ways I chose to handle life, the problem was theirs, not mine.
“It’s not at all hard to understand a person; it’s only hard to listen without bias.” – Criss Jami