Natural bonding is something that at some time or another happens in most people’s lives . Mother to child, or vise versa. Those friends and family members you just “click” with.
I don’t think I have naturally bonded with anyone ever. At least not that I could recall. I don’t think I have ever really meet someone and just liked them. I have always had to work at it. To spend time with them even though I didn’t think I wanted to but I had to get to know them or I would continue on not being a fan for absolutely no reason.
I’m not really sure why I have had these issues but in all honesty my first reaction to most people is dislike. As a young adult this didn’t make sense to me. These people did nothing wrong to be at all but I wanted nothing to do with them….any of them. If I wasn’t high I was alone or with the whoever I was living with at the time.
I have even experienced this issue when it came to bonding with my own children. Don’t misunderstand here okay, my love for my children was instant and real and unconditional, but my connection to them took way more time than it does for most parents. I didn’t have that instant overwhelming connection when I held them for the first time. Not like most people claim they have.
This has always made me feel broken and odd. My lack of natural emotional attachment has gotten me through some times that would typically be hard but it has also been the cause of many hard times. People don’t like to feel like you don’t care and trying to explain that you do care mentally but do not have the ability to just show it emotionally isn’t as easy as you’d think.
“My dark secrets are life threatening. Pockets of unhappiness set in aspic that build and build.” – Sue Townshend