After spilling my guts about Samantha to Ms. Jessica I felt worse than I had before.

It wasn’t who I had told that had caused me so much concern it was just the fact that I had done it. I didn’t like talking about Samantha and she didn’t like me talking about her. Especially to someone like Ms. Jessica. People like her have way more power than they like to admit.

I had no idea what Ms. Jessica was going to do with all the stuff I just dumped out on her office couch but I was absolutely terrified to find out. Getting back to the cottage late meant I got away with going right to my room with no one bitching at me for it, so off to my room, I went with not so much as a hello as I hurried down the hall.

I sat on my bed in the dark for what felt like forever and all I could hear was my heart pounding and Samantha screaming at me. I couldn’t take it anymore I stood up flipped the light on and just stared at my desk and suddenly I saw it.

A paperclip.

Just sitting there holding my homework together. I had this sudden calm wash over me as I pulled it from the papers. It took me .1 seconds to unfold it and start digging into my leg. It had been so long since I had used anything other than a razor that I had forgotten how much things like paperclips hurt.

I welcomed not only the pain but the relief it brought with it. I spent most of the night seeing just how far I could dig that paperclip into my leg. When moring came I got up and ready for the day just like any other day. No one around me had any idea what I had done and with something as common as a paperclip.

I found comfort with this one paperclip for quite some time a comfort I hadn’t realized I had missed so much.

“It’s as if you’ve tripped and the moment where you don’t know if you are going to catch yourself or not. That’s how I feel all day.” – Unknown

About the Author

Brandy Clear is woman who has walked down some of the darkest paths life has to offer. She has taken a lot of these steps alone. As she has rebuilt her life and self she has made it her mission to be the light to as many people as she can. She wants no one to have to walk alone in the dark. She does not want to save you, she just wants to remind you that you are not alone.

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