This morning I woke up in a completely different place than I did 14 years ago.
A different apartment, a different neighborhood, a different relationship, different friends, and most significantly a different headspace.
March 25, 2006, started like every other day back then, with my morning fix.
There was no coffee pot on my counter but there was a bag, spoon, lighter and needle just like all the mornings I can remember before. There was no hesitation that morning.
Things went as they always had. I got high and then I sat around for awhile smoking cigarettes and flipping tv channels waiting for everyone else to start crawling out of bed.
There came a time that day where everything changed. At that moment ( for reasons, I will discuss in a different post) I made a choice I never thought I would. I chose to put the needle down and walk away. Now don’t get me wrong this wasn’t the first time I had thought it and I had definitely said it thousands of times over the years but this time it was different.
I wanted it. I didn’t want to be where I was anymore. I wanted more, I needed more. I needed to find a purpose and to change things within myself and my surroundings. Everything around me was changing and growing and I was stuck in this pit going nowhere fast. So I got up and walked away. I took myself to where I needed to be and I stayed there until I was ready to try it on my own.
The details of that day and the days that follow are a story for another time. This is about where I am now. 14 years later. I have a full-time job, where I was just recently promoted. I have a loving fiance who supports me and all my crazy ideas. I have a relationship with my family that I never thought I would have. I have begun my own forms of outreach (this website, public speaking, etc) to show others that it is possible to recover and live a happy healthy life.
My journey down the road of sobriety has been long and rough but it has been worth it. I get excited every year on my birthday and some people don’t understand why and well, to be honest, it’s because 14 years ago I wasn’t sure I was going to see another birthday.
Please if you or someone you love is struggling with addiction of any kind know that you are not alone and although this road can be dark and barren it does end in the most brightly beautiful way.
It will not be dark forever and you can do this. YOU CAN DO THIS! Take it all one minute at a time and then one hour so on and so forth.
Do not let the pain and sickness make you believe you are weak. You are not weak you can do this. Never hesitate to reach out and if there isn’t someone in your circle you can talk to I am here reach out via the contact me page. I will talk to you and remind you that you can do this for as long as it takes. Recovery is real. It is hard and at times it is ugly but it is above anything else worth it!
Stay strong and remember you are not alone.
“One of the hardest things was learning that I was worth recovery.”– Demi Lovato