It didn’t take too long for me to miss regular life and the people I had left at home.

My mom and I had regular communication via the phone since I had left the detention center. I was doing well for the most part but it wouldn’t take too long for that to change.

As I began to miss home more and more I found myself becoming easily annoyed with the people around me. All of them. I had about a week or so before school resumed and until then I was stuck in the cottage with the same staff and girls and routines every single day.

I had grown real tired of hearing everyone complain about how they didn’t belong here and this wasn’t fair and that wasn’t their fault and blah blah blah. I soon became verbally aggressive with everyone around me. My tone was mean and my words were sharp and I have no care to change it.

It didn’t take long before my aggressive words sparked psychical altercations with others girls, which quickly resulted in a cottage transfer for me.

They moved me to a cottage for more difficult girls. I spent my first week here very much like I did in my original cottage, alone in my room with a book, or a pen. I had begun writing again. Some being letters I knew would never be mailed and some just for me.

I had missed my boyfriend and our friends I even missed my mom and sisters. More than I had expected to. I felt so far away from everything even though in reality I wasn’t. I didn’t know how long I could really do this with out losing control.

It didn’t take long for me to exit my room and begin to mingle around with the other girls and staff. I quickly became attached to some and instantly butted heads with others. Soon I would find myself at a level of comfort that helped me lose my focus and I would soon become a problem for those around me once again.

“The illusion of control make the helplessness seem more palatable.” – Allie Brosh

About the Author

Brandy Clear is woman who has walked down some of the darkest paths life has to offer. She has taken a lot of these steps alone. As she has rebuilt her life and self she has made it her mission to be the light to as many people as she can. She wants no one to have to walk alone in the dark. She does not want to save you, she just wants to remind you that you are not alone.

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