I got pictures and letters sometimes weekly, I had even begun writing back.
Although things in my day to day life were still a bit of a mess I was trying and I was trying hard. I had some sober time in me and had moved into a slightly better living situation.
Letters from Dana and Wayne were the bright spot in any day. I would spend so much time just reading and re reading all the letters. Going through all of his pictures like it was the first time I was seeing them.
I used to sit on my bed and go through the adoption profile (that they had made and was giving to me on the day I chose them to raise my son) over and over more slowly each time just soaking in all the love on every page.
I was slowly working on things with my own family as I was trying to piece back together the life I let the drugs destroy. It still wasn’t a topic we could discuss with out it becoming a full blown rage fest but I assumed at some point we would get there.
As much as Dana, Wayne and Jacob were an extremely significant part of my recovery my family was center stage for it all. I had wanted to be the young woman Dana and Wayne saw when they looked at me and I wanted my mom to see me become that woman.
I knew the only way for that to happen with out a total war first was to just not talk about it and so I didn’t, not for a long time.
I kept in contact with Dana and Adoption Star regularly and had become a regular attendee to most of Star’s events throughout the year. I may not have been able to talk about things with my family but I was able to talk about them other places and I did plenty of that.
I had seen them several times at this point and we continued to talk about future visits and time we could spend together. Several other family members of theirs had written me letters to thank me for making the choice that I had made and sending me love and prayers.
I had never felt so loved from people that legitimately didn’t know me. They had all been touched in one way or another by what I had done and they wanted me to know it in the most uplifting ways they could think of. At that time in my life I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
“By choice, we have become a family, first in our hearts, and finally in breath and being. Great expectations are good; great experiences are better.” -Richard Fischer