People never want to except that someone that has done them or others wrong for any length of time could ever really change for the better. They always have some other angle in the works. I myself am guilty of this mindset with people who have hurt myself and others in some fashion. I am not the type of person who forgives easily, never really have been.
I am also one of those bad people who claimed change when there wasn’t any. I didn’t understand the lack of forgiveness from others and played victim because of it. I knew deep inside I hadn’t deserved it I had a lot to fix and just saying the words wasn’t enough.
All of my flaws are not any where close to fixed. I am not perfect and I do not always do the right thing or think of others before myself. I can be selfish and I can and have used others downfalls to my advantage. I have neglected my responsibilities as Mother,daughter. sister, friend and human in general and blamed others for it or left a mess for others to clean up more than once in my life. It took me a long time to admit that I would never be forgiven for it all.
The problem with doing something good or trying to do something good,
especially if you haven’t always been a good person is the your motives are often misconstrued into something else. Into something manipulative or selfish.
We don’t seem to take anytime to get to know this new person and learn about the old one in a new light. No time is spent trying to learn about and understand one another in a new mindset. We see what we see and that’s that. We have no idea what led this person to be where they are now doing what they’re doing we just call bullshit and look away.
If you take a step back and look at the big picture most times you will see no legitimate gain for the “bad” person gone good. Most times their work is volunteer and or directed at helping others as much as possible in what ever way they have found possible.
For me it is this website and all these stories. I am fully aware that people I know personally will read these and some of them will be angry some because they don’t believe what is written as they see it a different way and please remember every single story you read here is from MY point of view not anyone else’s. Some of them will be angry because in their opinion I should keep some things to myself, and some of them will look for what ever they think I am getting out of this.
Let me tell you the only thing I personally get out of this is I get to tell my story my way. I have a place to spill my guts about whatever I want. I am not asking anyone for anything. I am simply sharing my life in hope that someone who finds themselves in a place similar to where I have been can see there is light. That it is not always darkness and pain. That they read this and stay strong.
“Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out” -John Wooden