It wasn’t long into my high schools days that I had become more than anyone could handle.

I had met a boy that I was “in love” with and at 16 that’s a huge deal. Of course my mother didn’t like him and we were too you and all that good stuff. So I did what most girls that age do, I snuck around to see him outside of school.

I would meet him at the park by my house as often as I could. We weren’t really doing anything wrong just hanging out. I mean we smoked weed but that was nothing compared to the things I was doing on my own.

At one point I had run away from home and stayed with him for like 3 weeks one summer. My mom knew where I was but she couldn’t really force me to come home I was 16 and back then they didn’t push runaways at that age to go home. Although I was some place she didn’t want me to be I was safe and that much she knew.

It didn’t take long after returning home for me to become that monster I felt growing inside of me. I was angry and didn’t want to be at home but some things had come to light while I was gone and it was best for everyone if I came home so I did.

I wasn’t allowed to see the boyfriend as punishment for running away and I wasn’t happy about it at all so I started doing something that turned out to be way more dangerous then I had ever imagined.

I had started putting my sleeping meds into my moms drinks at night so she would fall asleep and I could sneak out. I had a whole plan in affect.

I would leave a change of clothes and a book in the downstairs hallway so I could change out of my pjs when I left and then back in them when I returned, The book was so I had an excuse to be outside “Oh I was reading in the yard”. Back then we still had the newspaper delivered to the house so I would come up with it on days I had forgotten to grab a book.

This went on for a time, until one day my mother almost died. My medication I was putting in her drinks over time started to affect the medication she was already on and started to cause a lot of issues for her medically.

It was never my intention to harm my mother. I had no idea that would happen and lucky for me my mom knew that, she knew I hadn’t set out to hurt her and she made it clear to everyone involved.

I had never felt so bad about anything I had ever done before. I couldn’t believe that I almost took my own mother’s life.

The police wanted to charge me and my mother just wanted to help me, and I just wanted to watch the world burn.

“I do not speak as I think, I do not think as I should, and so it all goes on in helpless darkness.” -Franz Kafka