September was the last time I have found the desire to write and put work out.

These last few months have been one thing after another mostly personal mental bullshit but none the less stressful. I have started counseling and seeing shrink.

I have also started meditation to try and regulate my internal chaos as I have begun to struggle at an extreme level trying to maintain on my own.

For the longest time I have resisted medication and talking to a professional about things as my past experiences haven’t always been beneficial.

I took some serious time to think things through and came to the understanding that I am not the same person I was the last time I sat and talked to a professional about anything that wasn’t cancer related.

With that understanding I made the call. I reached out and asked for help.

I explained my situation and how this wasn’t my first time doing this and what has brought to this point. We discussed all the recent factors happening and my concerns with seeking help due to past experiences.

How I took time to realize I wasn’t where I was then nor was I still the same person and that this time around wasn’t written in stone to follow suit with the last time.

I am a few months into treatment and things are not perfect and we are still working out the medication stuff but having that 3rd (and 4th) party to talk things through with has been more beneficial then I could have imagined.

I know the idea can be intimidating and scary as someone who has resisted this for so many years I can tell you that having an unemotionally invested person to emotionally vomit on is more helpful to my mental health than just pushing shit aside or battling with myself and others mostly with out emotional resolution.

If you are having a hard time working through things in your own or with those you love maybe reach out and find an outside source of help. Remember you doing so does not mean you have to do everything they say.

You are an individual who has the right to deny and forms of medication or treatment that you are not comfortable with. Seeking professional help does NOT mean you must be medicated. Sometimes just having someone to listen and bounce things off of is all you really need.

It’s never too late for a new beginning in your life.