After the last court date I knew I just had to work harder to prove to all the adult in charge that I was going to do the right thing this time.

Back at the detention center I worked twice as hard. I kept myself in line and was willing to do anything to help out because it looked good for me to be doing positive things. I kept myself out of trouble and on top of my school work with out being told to do so.

I expressed to all the staff members and social workers and even the detention center teacher what I wanted and why. For the first time I had understood everyone unwillingness to give me what I wanted. Until this point I hadn’t followed through with anything I had claimed I would and had already run from one facility twice.

I couldn’t get my mom to understand that I wouldn’t run this time, that I would stay put no matter what. All I wanted was to graduate and I was doing better in Hopevale school (academically) than I had ever done in school before. My mother believed the only reason I wanted to go there was so I could take off and be with my boyfriend again.

I knew the area and how to get home and I had proved to be very resourceful when I wanted to be so I understood why she had felt this way, but I really needed her to understand I had no alternate motives this time. I really just wanted to go to school and finish on time.

I knew getting her to understand at that stage would be next to impossible so I decided to spend my time proving it to the adults around me at the time.

The next court date came and I was ready to prove my case. I stepped in front of the judge who I was unaware had received several letters from staff , social workers and my teacher regarding my progress since I had been in detention. As Judge Dillon opened his mouth to address the court I was scared to death.

Judge Dillon and I hadn’t the best relationship. I had been a difficult case and he had been my judge since my PINNS days so he knew me and well. To this day I am unsure of who was more surprised my mother or me by the words that came out of Judge Dillon’s mouth that day.

He had read all the reports and all the letters and looked over all the school work and he could see I was making progress and a good effort and he was proud of me. My heart stopped beating as he said those words. This man who at one point was pretty sure I was going to end up dead or in jail was proud of me.

He read a letter or two in court that day, maybe to show my mom I was trying or to prove to me that others saw me trying I don’t know for sure but I saw a brief glow of pride in my mothers eyes as he read line after line of glowing praise.

So she agreed to send my to Hopevale for the duration of my sentence (My 18th birthday). She told me she was going to give me a chance to stay put and prove I could get it done.

I had won. I wanted something and I fought and worked and I got it.

I couldn’t wait to get back to detention and tell all the staff the good news and get my shit together and get back to school at this point I was terribly bored.

“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” – Oscar Wilde 

About the Author

Brandy Clear is woman who has walked down some of the darkest paths life has to offer. She has taken a lot of these steps alone. As she has rebuilt her life and self she has made it her mission to be the light to as many people as she can. She wants no one to have to walk alone in the dark. She does not want to save you, she just wants to remind you that you are not alone.

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