After that first overdose, I slowed down my intake a little bit and tried to pay more attention to how much and how often I was using so there was no repeat of my last mistake however this didn’t last long.

I had hit a point in my addiction that no matter the amount it was only just enough to keep me from getting dope sick. So I started venturing out once again. Looking to see what other highs I could find around me. I had done a little of everything at this point and still, nothing gave me what a was looking for, nothing but dope.

For a while, I would mix dope and pills hoping for a better high without more dope. The overdose loomed in the back of my head still and let’s be honest I didn’t want to die I just wanted to get high so if I did what I could to enhance and lengthen my highs. I wasn’t getting the results I wanted so on to the next idea.

I began this slow progression in my use, I would buy a bundle at a time (10 bags) and do a whole at once instead of half, and boom there it was that peak I had been looking for. This lasted for a while and I was able to space my doses out a little bit and still get really high for a few hours at a time.

As does everything this slowly changed. I don’t really remember when I decided to go from 1 bag to 1 1/2 but it happened and for a short time I was content with this method of progression.

But nothing that feels like happiness when you fall down the rabbit hole of addiction ever stays that way long.

“What fascinates me about addiction and obsessive behavior is that people would choose an altered state of consciousness that’s toxic and ostensibly destroys most aspects of your normal life because for a brief moment you feel okay.”   -Moby

About the Author

Brandy Clear is woman who has walked down some of the darkest paths life has to offer. She has taken a lot of these steps alone. As she has rebuilt her life and self she has made it her mission to be the light to as many people as she can. She wants no one to have to walk alone in the dark. She does not want to save you, she just wants to remind you that you are not alone.

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