I found myself seemingly unaffected by the overdose or the fact that my “friends” left me alone, helpless on a sidewalk to die.
I showed up at the dope house right on time. Everyone looking a bit surprised to see me I got my normal morning dose and headed off to a corner to forget the early hours that led me to right now.
I remember no one spoke to me until after I had taken my dose and found my comfortable place. The very first thing that was said to me was how good it was to see me as they were told I had an overdose and no one knew what happened to me. I felt a flash of anger but it was so short-lived I didn’t even speak on it. I just smiled and said I was all good and changed the subject.
At some point in the day, I ran into that group of friends that just left me behind. I got tear-filled “I’m sorry”s and “We were so scared we would get arrested we just got out of there, glad your okay though”. At that moment I couldn’t even blame them.
None of us wanted to go back to jail and fact is if they would have called for help and stayed with me they would have been locked up because every one of us had all our dope and tools on us…as always. The best thing they did was take my stash and run (so I believed at the time). No jail time for them and nothing on me so if I woke up I too would be free to go home.
I let that feeling of disappointment and slight abandonment slip past me as they pulled all my stuff out of the bottom of the backpack that we always carried…that easily I forgave them for leaving me to almost die alone. All it took was my needles and a few bags of dope and all was right and fair in my world again.
” King Heroin is my shepherd, I shall always want. He maketh me to lie down in the gutters. He leadeth me beside the troubled waters. He destroyeth my soul. He leadeth me in the paths of wickedness for the effort’s sake. Yea, I shall walk through the valley of poverty and will fear all evil for thou, Heroin, art with me. Thy Needle and capsule try to comfort me. Thou strippest the table of groceries in the presence of my family. Thou robbest my head of reason. My cup of sorrow runneth over. Surely heroin addiction shall stalk me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the House of the Damned forever.” – Author Unknown – “The Psalm of the Addict”