As parents it is our job to teach our children about self love and how important it is. The problem is we tend to use the words “no one will love you if you don’t love you” or ” you can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself.”
Now this issue here is that neither of these statements are true. We basically instill in children that if they don’t love who they are they will forever be miserable and unable to love or be loved in return.
I have spent most of my life self loathing not loving. I have experienced love from other people and love for other people all while not being a fan of myself. Does it not liking you make love hard? Yes but it makes it harder to except love not to love.
When you feel nothing for yourself you begin to love those who mean something to you a little bit harder. You become the biggest cheerleader and you just want them to feel amazing about every thing they are. Mostly because you know how much it sucks to feel nothing at all or completely worthless.
The issue for me was always when someone wanted to love me. My self hatred had convinced me the love wasn’t real. It was just a game for them and I was nothing more than a piece on the board. Sometimes this was true. Not everyone who claims they love you really does. Other times though this wasn’t the case at all. The love that was there was real and alive and for me.
The biggest issue I had recognizing that is the fact that I could still hear “If you don’t love you no one else can love you” in the back of my head. That one sentence had me in a mindset I thought I would never escape.
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.” – Anthony Powell