My biggest obstacle in life has always been fear…
I let it take me over and prevent me from doing so much. My fear of being sober and dealing with the real issues kept me from getting clean for YEARS.
My fear of being unlovable and alone kept me in toxic and unhealthy relationships and friendships alike.
My fear of failure has kept me from just going out into the world and doing the long list of things I want to attempt to accomplish before I am gone from this world.
My fear has kept me from so much and I am still struggling so hard with it. I want to leave my job and the industry itself, but I have never really done anything else and so I get scared and stay at the job that I really no longer wish to be at.
I look through job listings often and I get all excited about all the entry-level, no experience needed jobs I see but then I start to read the description of the job and the fear starts to build.
I start to doubting everything I am capable of. I stop seeing my skills and talents for what they are and I just go into this sort of shut down/ autopilot mode and just keep pushing through the unhappiness.
I want to move to Texas, well anywhere really. Any place that isn’t where I am. I have never lived anywhere else. I wouldn’t be alone as Travus would be with me and if I keep with my current mindset I have a sister in Texas so I would have someone but the idea of starting over like that terrifies me as much as it excites me.
That fear has kept me from making a solid plan and moving forward and the timeline I SET is coming up fast and here I sit still so unsure of the jump. So unsure of myself and what I am capable of even though I have gotten through so much already. They say that it’s when you are afraid to jump that you should jump and I believe that is absolutely true. The hard part of this is getting over the anxiety and the fear said anxiety brings with it.
I am trying, I am reminding myself that sometimes the scary parts turn out to be the best parts. Sometimes the unknown leads you to the best things. I know in my heart that I can overcome and get through anything now I just have to teach my head to believe it. There is so much I want to do with my life and I am getting none of it done because I am letting myself get in my own way.
Time to start facing said fear and doing the things I want so very badly to do. Maybe things work just the way I want them to maybe they don’t but I will never know if I don’t put one foot in front of the other and get through it all.
To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be the happier for the troubleBill Watterson