2020 has by far been the most bat shit crazy year of my life.

It started great! A trip to Salem, an engagement, a promotion I worked my ass off for everything was falling perfectly into place.

Then Corona happened and the world went crazy. Work became overwhelming and beyond stressful. Simple tasks like grocery shopping were now a whole event in themselves and for some reason, we still don’t understand toilet paper was the item of choice for hoarders everywhere.

Summer pretty much shut down and everyone was grounded. Work went from crazy stressful to soul-crushing stressful. Everything was a mess outside the walls of my safe warm home.

By the middle of summer, the chaos found it’s way into my home.

My safe place was quickly changed into a place of terror and confusion. The rift this brought into my life was monumental. Everything was affected. My relationship, my relationships with friends, family, co-workers, and myself.

Everything was different.

I did what I am good at and I started down the path of fixing everything and everyone around me. I slowly started to focus on some of my issues and I reached out for help and began to see both a counselor and a psychiatrist.

Both of these people have begun to pull on some of the things that I have never properly dealt with. Things that have quietly toyed with me and my responses to life. Things that are damaging me and my tired soul.

The end of the year is turning into a rerun of mid-summer. I am facing another life-altering change and soul-crushing devastation. I feel more lost now than I have in a long time.

I have no idea how any of this is going to play out.

I am terrified my whole life is gone. At the same time, my soul has faith.

All I can do from here do what I do best and work my ass off to get my life back and pray to the goddesses and gods that 2021 treats the world better.

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Kahlil Gibran
About the Author

Brandy Clear is woman who has walked down some of the darkest paths life has to offer. She has taken a lot of these steps alone. As she has rebuilt her life and self she has made it her mission to be the light to as many people as she can. She wants no one to have to walk alone in the dark. She does not want to save you, she just wants to remind you that you are not alone.

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