I felt so alone and like the decision I made was something horrible. I couldn’t understand why something I though was right could be seen as so horrible.
I spent a lot of time alone with these feelings. I remember calling Adoption Star semi regularly just so I had someone to talk to about all these feelings. They would listen to me go on and on and explain to them why I felt so alone. How I was now doubting my choice and I didn’t know what to do.
Legally I had 30 days to change my mind, and thats what my family wanted at the time they wanted me to go to court and get him back. So I asked her about it and explained to her why I wanted to know. She explained it all to me and what my options at this point were.
I knew with my history no judge would ever see me as being the best place for my son so I let the idea drift away and explained to those in my family that were still speaking to me that this just wasn’t possible and would not work out the way the all thought.
The first time I received mail form the agency I left it sit on my night stand for hours before I was brave enough to open it. When I did I found the light I had been so desperately searching for. There was a stack of pictyures of my little man and everyone of them had ashort discription of the events taking place on the back.
There were letters that I was so afraid to read but thankful when I did. His mothers was worried about me. About how I was feeling and if I had any support. She wanted me to know her and her husband but most of all they wanted to know me. She wanted me to know what an amazing thing I had done and how extremely grateful they all were.
I didn’t write back. I didn’t know what to say but I did call the agency and talk about the letters and pictures I had received and I told them I was so scared to write back and the response I was given blew me away.
“Take your time Brandy. Write back when your ready I promise they aren’t going any where. If its alright with you I will let Dana know when she calls you received the pictures and letters.”
My first questions was Dana Calls? They said to me ” Brandy she calls at least once a week sometimes twice she just wants to make sure someone is supporting you in some way, she knows how difficult this must be and she wants to make sure your okay.” In that moment I had found my light, my strength and my support.
“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” – Tony Robbins