I have this habit where I take a plan or situation and I dissect it into tiny little parts that could go catastrophically wrong….all at once.
Most of my life people told me I was just a pessimist that could never see the good side of anything. I always called it being a realist. My shrink called it Anxiety.
For me it didn’t matter what you called it, the fears and concerns were still there. Poking out of every hole just screaming to be noticed and I always seemed to be the only one to notice.
It made all those things that people love to do that much more difficult. Of course I wanted to go to the amusement park and have a great time and ride all those rides but what if we get separated..? There’s so many people how will I find you….? What if the ride breaks while we are on it….. and we die….? What if someone steals my sister…? There’s so many people how will we find her…?
These are the things that would go through my mind anytime I was going any place not just big crowded places. Small places and place that wasn’t home…. even just to the park. Its right down the street I know but what if we get hit by a car on the way to or from….? Climb that tree…? You could fall and break something….
It didn’t take me long to realize that as real as these fears of mine were ( and still very much are) That they were things that had a very slim chance of happing. This realization however did not lessen any of the anxiety. Not one bit.
As I got older I didn’t keep these things to myself as much. I would just blurt them out like I expected everyone else to be thinking the same things. This earned me a few new nicknames as I grew up everything from “Mom” and “worry wort” to “Negative Nancy” and “Debbie Downer”. I just simply call myself “Anxiety Girl”
“Anxiety is loves greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with is panic.” – Anais Nin
