There are moments of my past that I can’t remember. Things people in my life can tell me about in detail I can’t even vaguely recall the events.

I didn’t notice it right away. The missing moments, the things that seemed to makes sense to everyone except me. Eventually I realized that something was well missing. My friends would tell me about things we did or talked about and I would look at them like they were nuts because I had no idea what they were talking about.

The more I noticed this happening the more scared I became. I began to get into trouble for things I didn’t remember doing and when I was asked about it I would say it wasn’t me or I didn’t know how or why what ever happened happened and every time those were my responses I was a liar and just causing trouble.

I will never forget being a kid and coming home to my mom freaking out about someone starting a fire in our bathroom. She was so upset just yelling and crying as my sisters and I sat there saying it wasn’t us. Every one looked to me and begged me to tell the truth to tell them why I started the fire. No matter how much I said it wasn’t me no one believed me. So finally I made up some lame story where I was the culprit and the plan of action went into motion.

That night I went to bed with everyone in the house mad at me and scared of me yet again. The problem I was having was I couldn’t remember doing what they think I did. I had zero recollection of going into that bathroom and lighting anything on fire. I didn’t understand how I could do something like that and not have any memory of it. For the first time ever I was just as scared of me as my family was.

This wasn’t the only time this would happen as I grew up but it was the last time would deny something I couldn’t remember because taking the punishment for what ever awful thing I had done was way easier then telling anyone the truth.

“The monster does not live under my bed but inside my head”

About the Author

Brandy Clear is woman who has walked down some of the darkest paths life has to offer. She has taken a lot of these steps alone. As she has rebuilt her life and self she has made it her mission to be the light to as many people as she can. She wants no one to have to walk alone in the dark. She does not want to save you, she just wants to remind you that you are not alone.

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