When you want so bad for someone to listen to you try to understand but you can’t find a way to explain any of what your thinking or feeling. You then find yourself trapped within yourself , most times that’s the worst place to be.

As I got older talking about the way I felt and why became a daily struggle, no matter if it was to a peer or my mom or the many shrinks I had sat with. I quickly became very good at telling people what they wanted to hear.

I found it easier to just act out. I had grown violent at home and defiant in school. Lying, stealing, hitting, you name it and I was probably doing it. At the end of the day I would find myself locked inside this dark corner of my mind thinking the worst things of everything and everyone.

I found solace in that darkness. A form of comfort. I let it consume me and I just stayed there. I thought about hurting myself and others regularly and as scary as it should have seemed it was normal for me at that point. I had no positive feelings toward anything but oh could I fake it.

I was a great actress. I could make you believe almost anything if I tried hard enough. Plus if I acted happy and good no one would ask all those questions I couldn’t answer.

I would often retreat to that dark place solely for comfort and peace it became my best friend in a world full of enemies.

“You are not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness”

About the Author

Brandy Clear is woman who has walked down some of the darkest paths life has to offer. She has taken a lot of these steps alone. As she has rebuilt her life and self she has made it her mission to be the light to as many people as she can. She wants no one to have to walk alone in the dark. She does not want to save you, she just wants to remind you that you are not alone.

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